


Lost

by sammysouffle (talesandthings)



Category: Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confused Matt, F/F, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 15:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12707484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesandthings/pseuds/sammysouffle
Summary: It happens too often, Matt's used to it now. He can't even imagine what Jessica goes through every day. If he lost the one he loved, he would turn into Jessica too. He'd probably be worse.





	Lost

It happens too often, Matt's used to it now. He can't even imagine what Jessica goes through every day. If he lost the one he loved, he would turn into Jessica too. He'd probably be worse. 

That's why he, along with Luke and Danny, hung back and allow her to grief. 

Her grief fueled her determination to fight. Matt gets it. When his dad died, all he wanted to do was go out there and break some faces. Put his fists to good use, make sure that the people who took his dad away from him paid the price. But he didn't. He made his dad a promise. 

Matt knows when Jessica is thinking about her dead wife. Her breathing shallows and she suddenly becomes lost in her own world. That's also the only time she ever smiles. It's almost like meditation. She won't let anyone or anything distract her. She only comes out of her trance when she's ready. And oh boy, is she ready. 

Every night, once they're done, Jessica heads off to the bar. That's another way she copes with her grief. A bottle of whiskey or five. 

Matt tried accompanying her a few times, but he always woke up the next morning with a splitting headache that no amount of aspirin could get rid of. He missed court on two of those occasions. And all the ridicule he got from Foggy and Karen for being a lightweight... well, that's a whole other story. 

Matt just wanted to be there for his friend. Yes, he did consider Jessica his friend, one of his best friends in fact, even though they fought all the time. 

He never asked Jessica about her wife and the circumstances surrounding her death. Matt doesn't think Jessica would tell him, anyway. 

***

His friend's grief helps Matt find a new appreciation for his own relationship. He doesn't know how much time he has with his husband and he wants to make the most of it. 

He sends Foggy flowers every day and now Foggy's complaining that his whole office smells like a flower shop. He tries to make it home at a reasonable hour every night and he takes Foggy out on impromptu dates. Ever since Foggy got elected the DA,  _he_ is the one who comes home late at an odd hour. On those days, Matt recruits Karen's help, with the promise of free drinks, and makes dinners for his husband. He also makes sure to tell Foggy just how much he loves him at every chance he gets. 

Matt has also become more  _reasonably protective (_ No, Karen, he is  _not_ an obsessive stalker) of Foggy.

He makes sure to call and/or text Foggy every hour to check on him. He also wears his Daredevil suit and hangs outside Foggy's office building while Foggy works at night. He just wants to make sure his husband is safe.

Matt can't lose him. 

***

Foggy doesn't see it that way. In fact, he completely misinterprets that whole situation, which Matt becomes aware of one night while they're lying in bed in their post-coital bliss with Foggy's head on Matt's chest. 

"Matt?" Foggy softly calls out while running his fingers over one of the scars on Matt's chest. 

"Yeah?" 

Matt feels Foggy move to look up at him. He can hear Foggy's racing heartbeat and that scares him a little. He wonders if he's done something wrong. "Are you cheating on me?" 

Matt freezes the second those words are out of his husband's mouth. 

"What?!" He demands when he finds his voice again. He quickly sits up on the bed, forcing Foggy to move away. "How can you even ask me that Foggy?"

"You've changed so much, Matt. You bury me in gifts, you've told me you love me more times in the last ten weeks than you have in the last ten years combined," Foggy replies. There's a hint of sadness in his voice that breaks Matt's heart a little. 

Matt sighs and throws his head back against the headboard. "I just want to make the most out of the time we have." 

Matt hears Foggy shift to sit cross-legged on the bed. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"We both have our share of enemies, Foggy, and while I will  _never_ let anything happen to you." He reaches out to touch Foggy's face. "I don't know how much time I have. So I want to live all our moments to the fullest." 

Foggy smacks his hand away and Matt tries not to take it personally. "You are such an idiot and right now I wish you  _were_  cheating on me." 

"I would never do that to you, Foggy." 

"Well, maybe you should. Then  _maybe_ you won't spit out all of this bullshit," Foggy replies angrily. 

Matt hears him move again and he thinks Foggy is about to get out of bed and probably leave the room, but instead, he finds Foggy straddling his thighs. 

Foggy settles on top of Matt and takes Matt's face between his hands. Matt leans into his warm touch. 

" _Nothing_ is going to happen to you. You have a team now. People who've got your back. And besides, I won't let anything happen to you.  _Ever_." The sincerity in Foggy's voice makes Matt smile. He soon finds Foggy's lips on his own. 

As he ravishes Foggy's mouth, Matt thinks about how much he wants to savor this moment. 

He wants to give Foggy everything he has. And he wants to take everything Foggy will give him. 

***

Six months after working together, Matt discovers that Jessica isn't as invincible as she claims to be. 

In an effort to save him, Jessica pushes Matt out of the way and takes the three bullets that were meant for him. 

Matt's suit is bulletproof so the bullets wouldn't have hurt him anyway, and that's all he can think about as he stews in guilt while waiting at the hospital. 

"It's not your fault, Murdock," Luke tries to assure him. "Jessica made her own decision. She might not act like it but she cares about you a whole lot more than you give her credit for." 

Matt doesn't say anything. He can still feel Jessica's blood on his hands, despite washing them three times already. 

Foggy's there after what seems like hours. He doesn't say anything. He just hugs Matt tight and lets him cry. 

"She'll be fine, Matty," is the only thing he says once Matt's tears dry out.  

***

Jessica does make it through, and Matt's the first one to visit her. 

"Gah, did I get hit by a ten wheeler or something?" Jessica groans as soon as Matt enters the room. 

"I think you would have handled a ten wheeler, Jessica." 

"You do have a point, Murdick." 

Matt awkwardly by the door for a few seconds before saying, "Thanks for saving my life. I- I appreciate it." 

"Don't get all mushy on me, man. I didn't do it for you. I did it for myself. I wouldn't have anyone to sass if you died." 

"There's Danny," Matt reminds her. 

Jessica scoffs at that. "He's too easy. There's no fun in messing with him. You, on the other hand-" 

"Wow, that's the second nicest thing you've ever said to me." 

"Oh, shut it. This was a one time deal. I am not saving your pathetic ass again." 

"Jessica, what have I told you about lying?" Asks a new voice. 

Matt didn't realize there was anyone else in the room until the woman spoke up. Matt takes in the details about her. Everything about this woman screams _expensive_. From her perfume to her stilettos. There was something familiar about her voice but Matt couldn't quite place it. 

"That I should do it more often or my appendix will burst?" Jessica suggests sarcastically. 

Sarcasm is her default state but there's something off about her right now. She seems much more jovial around this woman. Matt's pretty sure she is smiling. That's weird. 

Much to Matt's surprise, Matt hears the woman kiss, Jessica. 

"What am I going to do with you, Jess?" 

"Marry me?" Jessica asks. 

Matt's mouth drops open at the suggestion. He didn't even know Jessica was dating someone. 

"Five years too late for that, babe," the other woman chuckles. 

"I could just divorce you and marry you again." 

Again? Five years? What the hell was going on here. 

"If you divorce me then I am just packing my shit and getting the hell out of this country," says the woman (Jessica's wife?)

"Wait wait wait... Hold on," Matt cuts into their conversation. "This woman is your wife?" 

"Yeah. What about it, Murdock?" Jessica asks with an edge in her voice like she is ready to fight him. 

"But isn't your wife dead?" 

Matt can cut through the tension in the room with a knife as he feels the two women look at each other. And then they both burst out laughing. This is the first time Matt has ever heard Jessica laugh. 

"What?" Asks the other woman. "Jess, I told you to stop telling everyone I was dead!" 

"I didn't say anything!" Jessica complains. "They all just assumed you were dead and I rolled with it." 

"Wait... so  _she's_  the one you think about whenever you start daydreaming?" 

"Yes! Of course, she's the one I think about." 

"Why? You act like she's dead, and you're avenging her or something when you beat up the bad guys," Matt replies. 

"What do I look like The Punisher to you? Trust me, if something happened to Trish, I wouldn't just avenge her, I would burn this whole city down." 

Matt definitely believed that. 

"Aw, my sweet princess in a shining armor. What would I do without you?" Says the other woman. Trish. 

"Have a better life," Jessica mumbles under her breath. Trish doesn't seem to hear it, but Matt does. 

"I think about her before beating up assholes, because she grounds me. I would be doing a whole lot of damage if I didn't have something to think about," Jessica explains. "Besides, I love her too much. Can't imagine life without her."

"That morphine is sure making you a nicer person," Trish teases her wife. Matt hears her kiss Jessica again. "Now go back to sleep. You need to rest." 

"I am Trish, by the way," Trish introduces herself, stopping in front of Matt. "And as you already know, I am Jessica's undead wife." 

"I am Matt Murdock," Matt replies, shaking her hand. "And I have so many questions." 

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this: http://theladyragnell.tumblr.com/post/167250416058/reystars-i-really-want-a-movie-where-theres


End file.
